But.

I have this feeling inside of me. This part of me which wants to shout, scream, and protest for what I deserve. I don't deserve all this. But in the end, it did happen to me. I am tired of listening to people, telling me to give it some time and wait. I can no longer wait. I am a human after all. Being impatient at this moment of my life is acceptable. I am tired of pretending that I've moved on and I am fine. Because I am not. I am stuck. I have started questioning myself. Now that I know, all the things which weren't said to me. Now that I know, "we" never mattered to you. I have started having doubts. I have started wondering, whether I fell in love with the wrong person?!
I know, I have to be strong. I have my entire life left. But at this moment, I'm hopeless.
I have heard many stories about other people. What's going on in their life. How tough the situation is for them. How happy they are at the moment. But it's been a while. While, since I actually smiled at a happy moment of my life. You know that smile. That genuine one. Where you feel the exact joy which you are experiencing. I am not cribbing about my life. Or maybe I am.
I tried everything, to try to get him back but he just doesn't want to. So that means, it's my time to move on. But.

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you? 

Marijuana.

He was sitting with his friends inside that old  bungalow, known as the 'Dope home'. People usually went their to dope or make out or get drunk. As he saw his friend exhaling that cloud of smoke, he wanted to do it, the very minute. It excited him. He took his first puff, it took him to paradise. And that very minute he knew he wanted to do it more and more. First the marijuana, and then the vodka. Oh! It felt like heaven.
That's when he got his first bad habit.

It never really mattered to him. He was addicted. Addicted to everything which she considered wrong. There had been many times when she tried to stop him. Even after making thousands of promises to leave it, he never kept his word. But she knew it all. She used to try to make him understand that it's all wrong, it's going to harm you sooner or later. But he never really understood. Things had gone too far now. But she couldn't leave him, no, not at all, she loved him way too much. And all he knew was he loved her, just the way he loved marijuana.
Sleepless nights, she had one to many thinking about the future he is creating for himself. But it never mattered to him. He was happy with the fact that he had her and the drugs in his life.
And finally that day came when was taken to hospital, due to overdose of hash.
She was broken, but more than that she was scared. She knew he had way too much of drugs in his veins. She was scared to lose him. The doctors came out after the operation. It was the longest 30 mins of her life.
The kind of looks which they had, made it all clear. She knew it's a bad news, a terrible one to be specific.
The doctor said, " He had way too much of illegal products in his blood, and it was harming him a lot. I'm sorry." That was it. Her whole world started turning around her.
She ran inside the room, and looked at him. He looked awful. She held his hand, and started speaking, wishing that he is still hearing her, " I told you, it is bad. Why didn't you listen to me? Don't leave! Please, I love you." But he wasn't there to answer her now. She was asked to go home and take rest.
She went straight towards her wash-room and started the shower. As the water fell on her face, tears started falling from her eyes too. She wanted to shout, scream her lungs out, but no sound came out from her mouth. She came out and looked at herself in the mirror. She took a deep breath.
She went towards the window in her room. A tear drop falls on cheek. Her mind shouting, " You should have listened to me! Look what you've done now!", but all she could do was nothing.

She finally speaks, I miss you and the tears don't stop for a long time.

Everything is over.

She looks at that little window in that particular room. Tries to see the happiness outside, but the tale of her own life is way too painful to look beyond anything expect itself.
The scenes of THE day, are still alive in her mind. His words, his actions, the ambience, everything.
Her man, her only man, whom she was planing to spend the rest of her life with, did it. Did the most obnoxious thing ever. Raped her.
She tries to take in some air, but fails. It's suffocating. Even after one month to the whole thing, she still can't think straight. What made him do it? Lust. It has to be it.
Lust made that man, do something so horrible. Made him destroy her future, her self respect, her faith on any other man, and her faith in love. Everything. All gone. Just because one man tried to satisfy his sexual aspects.
All alone, lying on the floor. She sees her cellphone flashing " Mom, calling!"
She cries. Suddenly she realises how much pain she caused that one person who has always been on her side. Just for that one man, she came to this new city, planning to start a new life with him, the devil himself. She realises how everything she had, is gone. Her family, her man, her ambitions, everything. And now it was her time to go.
Finally those pills started doing their work. She couldn't remember how much of those little white tablets she had taken. She tries inhaling again, it's becoming impossible for her.
She looks at the ceiling, thinks one last time of the day. How her clothes were ripped, how he spit on her before leaving, how tough it was for her to even walk for a few days after the whole show. But that man, was now living in the arms of some other pretty girl, and hardly remembers the day. The day when he ruined a innocent girl's life
She wanted it to end fast. She couldn't take it anymore. And thus the time comes. It's over. Everything is over. She is over.