But.

I have this feeling inside of me. This part of me which wants to shout, scream, and protest for what I deserve. I don't deserve all this. But in the end, it did happen to me. I am tired of listening to people, telling me to give it some time and wait. I can no longer wait. I am a human after all. Being impatient at this moment of my life is acceptable. I am tired of pretending that I've moved on and I am fine. Because I am not. I am stuck. I have started questioning myself. Now that I know, all the things which weren't said to me. Now that I know, "we" never mattered to you. I have started having doubts. I have started wondering, whether I fell in love with the wrong person?!
I know, I have to be strong. I have my entire life left. But at this moment, I'm hopeless.
I have heard many stories about other people. What's going on in their life. How tough the situation is for them. How happy they are at the moment. But it's been a while. While, since I actually smiled at a happy moment of my life. You know that smile. That genuine one. Where you feel the exact joy which you are experiencing. I am not cribbing about my life. Or maybe I am.
I tried everything, to try to get him back but he just doesn't want to. So that means, it's my time to move on. But.

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you? 

Believe.

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me.
But the more I think, the less I believe and the more I want you here with me.   - Plain white T's.

Somewhere deep down, I haven't given up hope. I know, I am trying. I know I can be better. Believe me. Maybe you don't love me anymore. You didn't do the same earlier, just when our relationship had started. So I won't give up. I will wait. Maybe someday you will realise, maybe you won't. I don't care. All I know is, I will give it my best shot. Whatever it is. I ain't giving up. I know, I can't force you. But I can try to convince you. Which I have already done. I am going to wait. I promise.
It's hard. I agree. It's very hard. Just don't make it harder. 
Maybe I'm dramatic, or cheesay, or dumb, or stupid, but that isn't in my nature. My nature is my character. And my character is that with whom you fell in love with. Sometimes, I do say all weird and spastic things, but that is because of my girly friends. That won't be a problem. I promise.
Just think, okay? Use that god gifted brains of yours. Just think. Give it a last try. Trust your life's chances once. You don't know the outcomes, neither do I. Destiny is where all the shizz lies. So please. Pretty please.

Believe in yourself. Believe in me. Believe in us. Believe in life. Because in the end that's all that really matters.

Wounded.

So help me heal these wound, they've been open for way too long. Help me fill this soul, even though this is not your fault. That I'm open and I'm bleeding, all over you brand new rug. And I need someone to help me sew them up.
                                                               
  - Good Charlotte





Even though he has been the reason for most of her pain, she can't live a single day without him. She knows he loves her, and honestly he does. It's just he isn't that good in showing it. But right now, she needs him. Needs him to be there for her. He really doesn't know the pain of losing a mother, but right now he wants to be there for her in every manner. At the end, that's what love is. Being there for each other, in every bad and good situation.
Just after seeing her mother, the woman who gave birth to her and made her what she is today, being buried in  the cemetery where her own dad was buried, broke her. It had been 3 years after her dad died because of an accident. But her supporter, her best friend, her idol, her very mother, was always there for her. She never made her think that she had lost her father, she was the only support she had. But now, there was no one. As she was on her way home from the cemetery, her boyfriend, her only support now sat beside her, holding her hands tight as if saying that he will always be here, for her. She cried on his shoulders. She couldn't believe that the lady, the most powerful lady for her, was no more there. She felt betrayed. Her mother always told her, she won't leave her. But at the end, she did. And this was hard to believe.
But now as she sat on the back seat of her car with her man, she looked him in his eyes, and the only words which she could say was, "I love you." He smiled. And the next thing which he did, amazed her.
He took out the ring which his mother had given him on his 18th birthday and gave it to her, asking " will you marry me?"
And she couldn't say anything. An emotion of nothingness surrounded her. She didn't know whether to be sad that her mother was no more there or happy that the man whom she had been with for 4 years, was finally asking her for marriage.  At the end she smiles and says, "yes, I will."
She knew he will be there for her, always. That's what she needed right now.

Maybe that's what life is. If something terrible happens, something good is right around the corner. All we need to do is have a little patience and not give up easily on things which leave a huge hole in our heart. Because no one ever told me, life would be easy. But they said it will be worth it.

Bollywood love.

Y has known X for 3 years now. He has always been there for her, when she needed someone. He is one of the person she doesn't want to lose. He was there to hear her crib about her life, her boyfriend, her family problems, etc. He patiently listened to everything she had to say. Always. People used to think they are together or something, but they were just friends. 

He dated a lot of girls, and even she got into few relationships. They used to talk about their problems to each other. Everyone knew they liked each other except them. Sometimes she used to think about him, but she never took it seriously. His friends used to tease him but it never mattered to him.

One day, she broke up with the guy she was going around for a couple months. Her bestfriend asked the reason behind the breakup, and all she could say was that she thought she is in love with X. Her bestfriend smiled, she had known this will happen someday, eventually. She was just waiting for them to realise. She knew he loved Y just the same, but was scared to accept the fact thinking it might ruin their friendship.

She finally confessed him about her feelings and was shocked to hear his reply. They were meant to be. They knew each other more than anyone. They knew how to handle the other. They had to fall in love. And eventually the love grew more each and every day. 

Even now after 4 months when they talk on the phone at night, she still smiles at the fact, thinking, 

it was always him.

(How filmy this post is, right?! But this is exactly what happened to my bestfriend)

        

- Dear A -

(I have always wanted to give a letter like this to you) But I never gave it you because I always thought you probably will find it dumb. So I thought I will write it down.
There is nothing really special in this letter, but if you do want to, go ahead, read on.

Even after all the tough times we go through. We always manage to work things out. Just because you are the only person I trust my life with.

Dear A,
Yes, you. You are the most wonderful thing ever happened to me. I will always believe in anything you say or do. Because I know, there must be some reason behind it. I will trust even when the most greatest person of this world comes and tells me, you did a sin or something terrible. Because for me you are the only greatest person. "A", I have always wanted to tell you few things.  But I always thought all this stupid things won't matter to you. But I really can't just keep it within.

1. My days start with your phone call. You call me just when you get up and then say to me, " Gooood morning! Ab utho utho!"
      you don't know how much I adore it.
2. I will always be ready to meet you. ALWAYS.
3. I love how you hug me from behind.
4. Times when you slip the ring which you gave me from my index finger to the ring one, I am the most happiest person on earth.
5. I love that you secretly care and love your sister, a lot. Even when you try to be all stud type.
6. You are the only one I want to be with in my future. Basically I want to spend the rest of my life just with YOU.
7. I secretly dream about us married. :p
8. When you talk and tell me things(big big things which mean a lot to you) which you haven't said to anyone, I feel honoured.
9. I trust you more than I trust myself.
10. And now, one secret.
            ' When I die or something happens to me and I'm no more there, call my bestfriend, ask her about the secret box and where it is kept in my room, and look for all the letters addressed to you. Read all of them. They might be long sometimes. But please.'
Then only you will understand how important you are to me and how much I would love to be with you and only you, even if I get an opportunity to live my life once again.

P.S. I love you. I always have and I always will.
                                                                                           
                                                                                            - Yours A


I am cheesay. ;)
But honestly. This post means a lot to me. :)

Insecure.

Something is wrong with her. ( she thinks ). She has never been possessive about anyone. But why him?
It's irritating if his ex comes online, she does not want him to talk to her, or those girls who flirt with him, pisses her off. Possessiveness is fine but over do it and it becomes a disaster. It probably means she doesn't trust him. But she does, she seriously does. Maybe it's just jealously, but regarding what? He is dating her now. Why do they matter?
She has lost it. Completely lost it.
They are going through a tough time. A really tough one, but then they have always managed to work things out. Always. But this possessiveness has been on her mind ever since she started dating him. It's been 8 and a half months. But still there.
She is insecure, she does show it, but never talks about it. Insecurity is something irritating. She has been through the same, in her previous relationship. Her ex was insecure, just like her. But she never really did care.
Then what's the matter now?
She promises herself, she will won't behave like this anymore. She loves him and trusts him.

She logs in from her account. Checks her notifications, and sees the chat list. She sees him and his ex online. She tries to ignore the thoughts coming on her mind. She sends a "hi" to him. He does not reply. Bigger thoughts start building up in her mind- What if he is talking to her? What are they talking about? Why is he talking to her?
She tries to ignore them. He still doesn't reply. She ends up sending him a text on his number- " Please don't talk to X." She regrets it the minute the delivery report flashes her mobile screen. But he still doesn't reply.
She ends up calling him, ( I told you she has lost it ) hears his voice and gives out a 'sigh' of relief. She asks him, why wasn't he replying on chat, he says he was listening to a song on another website, so he couldn't see the message. She asks him whether he saw her message on his phone, he says "no" and starts checking. After reading it he say,'' chill dude, chill!" and disconnects. She curses herself for doing what has been done.

She again promises herself, she won't do it. She trusts him. ( She doesn't trust herself on this one)

Old times.

Time: 1:45AM
This is what the clock on the table beside her bed read. He had promised he would call before 1. She should have known, he wouldn't call. He has been breaking his promises quite often these days. Things have changed. He has changed.
He is busy always. They don't talk for hours and hours anymore, like before. Meeting him is just something rare these days, whereas before they met almost every alternative day. He has time for friends, time to go online and talk to others, but not her.
Basically, he has time for everything but her.
She cries. Everyday. Every bloody day. Time is the biggest factor in a relationship apart from trust and honesty. She misses him. Misses the old him. Misses those old times. Lying on her bed, looking at the ceiling she wonders, does she even cross his mind? Does he even remember those old times? Times when he use to talk late at night on phone with her while hiding under his blanket so that he wouldn't be caught by his mom, that day when he came to her place and they lied on her bed, just talking, or that day when he talked about his family to her, does he remember any of this?
She wonders.
She remembers it all. Every little thing. Because it meant the world to her.
How did he change so much? What happened? Where did they go wrong? He still says he loves her a lot, but then why can't he show the love?
She checks the time, it's 2:15AM. She finally loses hope. Her vision becomes blurred. Tears have started making their place in her eyes. She looks up, thinking the one up there ( yes, the creator of all the pain ) is looking down on her and shouts, " Why are you doing this to me? What joy are you getting, seeing me cry like this? Tell me!." But no answer. All she can hear is her own cry. She curses everything next which comes to her mind. She curses herself for loving him so much, even after the hurt, he has been causing her. And finally she looks at her cellphone's wallpaper. Looks at him, says I love you,
and eventually falls asleep.