Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Lameness Personified!

I am scared of things now. Scared, someday, somewhere, I will lose everything. I have already lost most of it. I am scared, to talk to people. I don't want to hurt them in any way. I am scared they will leave me if I do so. I am scared to get out of my room. I don't want to, actually. I have made my own world in there. I buy cigarettes secretly and smoke them in my balcony. I sleep most of the time, or stare at my laptop screen. But when I do get out of my room, the only place I go to, is my terrace. I have this fixed place up there. I sit on the tank of my building. Verrrrry high. It's like paradise for me. Alone, quiet, peaceful and then that smell of the smoke of a classic regular, surrounding you. Epic. A little movement and BAM, you will surely die or atleast break some bones. I love it.
I think. A lot. Everyone says so. :\
I love imagining or thinking things. So few days back, I was just sitting there and thinking of my life and everything in it. One question kept on distracting me.
Whom do I trust the most?
I really didn't know the answer to it. My parents, obviously. But apart from them? Not a single person or name could come to my mind. People usually hurt me very easily. I don't trust anyone. Actually, not even myself. I don't know when I can get so sick of my life and kill myself. So, nobody! :\
Anyway. So today, I was sitting there and smoking and suddenly, my phone started ringing. It was mom, she was asking me to come home. After couple of minutes, I got up, and my leg slipped, and I almost fell. And the first thing I did after getting back on my feet was to laugh my ass off. I was laughing like a maniac. Mad, I am!
Anyway, I am blabbering so much. :p

This is such a lame post! Anyway, bye! I should get myself admitted to one of those mental hospitals.
So bye bye.
Do smoke. Helps you, when you are in a bad mood. ( Mamata didi yeh mat dekhia ga ^_^ )

2 comments:

  1. obviously a treat for smokers which i am not ...:)
    but don't know why i can understand this feel...
    may be non-smokers have there own ways with these situations... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwaha. Yes. A chain smoker I have become. ( No, not proud of it)
      But yes, things are almost the same for everyone. It's just every other person has different way od dealing with it. :)

      Delete