A little inside.

Maybe someday we will be fine. Maybe someday it will all go back to normal. But till then what am I suppose to do? Yes, I am crying even now while writing this post. WHY IS HE SO MEAN TO ME?
No one tells me the answer. If anyone of you can, then please. Tell me. Because I am tired thinking about it all the fucking time. I can't believe the only person whom I love this much, treats me in such a manner.
Every time I think, things are going better now, he somehow manages to destroy all of it. I never thought I will be this dependent on someone, but honestly with him, I can't help it. It's like I am in love with a devil.
I have stopped missing the old times, because they have been erased  from my mind with these new horrendous days. Sometimes, I feel like an idiot. An idiot who is still with him after all he does is hurts me , but somehow I always love him.Why?
I can date many guys. I ain't that bad in looks, then why the hell am I stuck on him. I can't stop myself. I'm trying really hard. He says, he loves. WHERE IS THE FUCKING LOVE? I don't see it. No one can see it. Where is it? This answer, only he knows. Its been weeks and every day he manages to do something which tears me apart. I somehow manage to pass the day, thinking tomorrow will be fine, everything will go back to normal, but I am always proved wrong. He has made me start suspecting on myself. He says every little of mine, irritates him now days. Well, I am not the one who changed. I am still the same girl you met on the basket ball court, and the same girl to whom you said I love you. The only person who has changed in this bloody relationship is you. Yes, YOU! What is going on in that mind of yours I still don't get it. I try so hard, so hard to act normal after all the cruel things you say to me, because I am in love. I am in bloody love. What is wrong with me? Should be the actual question. How can I still love him after all this? I probably should hate him till now. But I just can't. Why is he doing such things? He says he loves me. When you love someone you don't hurt them so much. Then what it is? I think he doesn't love me any more, but I am going to ignore that thing. I can't let that get my mind, with so many horrible things. No. I should stand up and be all stud type. But honestly, in-front of him, I become this puppet, ready to do whatever he says. I am tired. More than that,

I love him. He needs to understand this. Because every single day now, I am dying a little inside.