Wounded.

So help me heal these wound, they've been open for way too long. Help me fill this soul, even though this is not your fault. That I'm open and I'm bleeding, all over you brand new rug. And I need someone to help me sew them up.
                                                               
  - Good Charlotte





Even though he has been the reason for most of her pain, she can't live a single day without him. She knows he loves her, and honestly he does. It's just he isn't that good in showing it. But right now, she needs him. Needs him to be there for her. He really doesn't know the pain of losing a mother, but right now he wants to be there for her in every manner. At the end, that's what love is. Being there for each other, in every bad and good situation.
Just after seeing her mother, the woman who gave birth to her and made her what she is today, being buried in  the cemetery where her own dad was buried, broke her. It had been 3 years after her dad died because of an accident. But her supporter, her best friend, her idol, her very mother, was always there for her. She never made her think that she had lost her father, she was the only support she had. But now, there was no one. As she was on her way home from the cemetery, her boyfriend, her only support now sat beside her, holding her hands tight as if saying that he will always be here, for her. She cried on his shoulders. She couldn't believe that the lady, the most powerful lady for her, was no more there. She felt betrayed. Her mother always told her, she won't leave her. But at the end, she did. And this was hard to believe.
But now as she sat on the back seat of her car with her man, she looked him in his eyes, and the only words which she could say was, "I love you." He smiled. And the next thing which he did, amazed her.
He took out the ring which his mother had given him on his 18th birthday and gave it to her, asking " will you marry me?"
And she couldn't say anything. An emotion of nothingness surrounded her. She didn't know whether to be sad that her mother was no more there or happy that the man whom she had been with for 4 years, was finally asking her for marriage.  At the end she smiles and says, "yes, I will."
She knew he will be there for her, always. That's what she needed right now.

Maybe that's what life is. If something terrible happens, something good is right around the corner. All we need to do is have a little patience and not give up easily on things which leave a huge hole in our heart. Because no one ever told me, life would be easy. But they said it will be worth it.

Bollywood love.

Y has known X for 3 years now. He has always been there for her, when she needed someone. He is one of the person she doesn't want to lose. He was there to hear her crib about her life, her boyfriend, her family problems, etc. He patiently listened to everything she had to say. Always. People used to think they are together or something, but they were just friends. 

He dated a lot of girls, and even she got into few relationships. They used to talk about their problems to each other. Everyone knew they liked each other except them. Sometimes she used to think about him, but she never took it seriously. His friends used to tease him but it never mattered to him.

One day, she broke up with the guy she was going around for a couple months. Her bestfriend asked the reason behind the breakup, and all she could say was that she thought she is in love with X. Her bestfriend smiled, she had known this will happen someday, eventually. She was just waiting for them to realise. She knew he loved Y just the same, but was scared to accept the fact thinking it might ruin their friendship.

She finally confessed him about her feelings and was shocked to hear his reply. They were meant to be. They knew each other more than anyone. They knew how to handle the other. They had to fall in love. And eventually the love grew more each and every day. 

Even now after 4 months when they talk on the phone at night, she still smiles at the fact, thinking, 

it was always him.

(How filmy this post is, right?! But this is exactly what happened to my bestfriend)

        

- Dear A -

(I have always wanted to give a letter like this to you) But I never gave it you because I always thought you probably will find it dumb. So I thought I will write it down.
There is nothing really special in this letter, but if you do want to, go ahead, read on.

Even after all the tough times we go through. We always manage to work things out. Just because you are the only person I trust my life with.

Dear A,
Yes, you. You are the most wonderful thing ever happened to me. I will always believe in anything you say or do. Because I know, there must be some reason behind it. I will trust even when the most greatest person of this world comes and tells me, you did a sin or something terrible. Because for me you are the only greatest person. "A", I have always wanted to tell you few things.  But I always thought all this stupid things won't matter to you. But I really can't just keep it within.

1. My days start with your phone call. You call me just when you get up and then say to me, " Gooood morning! Ab utho utho!"
      you don't know how much I adore it.
2. I will always be ready to meet you. ALWAYS.
3. I love how you hug me from behind.
4. Times when you slip the ring which you gave me from my index finger to the ring one, I am the most happiest person on earth.
5. I love that you secretly care and love your sister, a lot. Even when you try to be all stud type.
6. You are the only one I want to be with in my future. Basically I want to spend the rest of my life just with YOU.
7. I secretly dream about us married. :p
8. When you talk and tell me things(big big things which mean a lot to you) which you haven't said to anyone, I feel honoured.
9. I trust you more than I trust myself.
10. And now, one secret.
            ' When I die or something happens to me and I'm no more there, call my bestfriend, ask her about the secret box and where it is kept in my room, and look for all the letters addressed to you. Read all of them. They might be long sometimes. But please.'
Then only you will understand how important you are to me and how much I would love to be with you and only you, even if I get an opportunity to live my life once again.

P.S. I love you. I always have and I always will.
                                                                                           
                                                                                            - Yours A


I am cheesay. ;)
But honestly. This post means a lot to me. :)

I'm no superman.

No, I can't do this all on my own. No, I'm no, I'm no superman.

People have been giving me a tough time lately. Everyone around me hurts me in some way or the other. And all I can do is cry. Honestly, I am tired of explaining things to them. Tired of explaining how much it hurts when you lie to me. Why did you lie? You didn't have to. I would have understood the situation. You just had to tell me. You didn't have to hide things from me? You don't have to be this rude. Just because I love you, doesn't mean whatever you say won't hurt me. It fucking hurts.
I probably should stop talking to them. No, I can't. They are only ones whom I talk to you. I love socialising but these are the only ones whom I get along well. I am disappointed.
Mood swings are something which I hate. It's like a minute before how nice he is to me, and out of nowhere, he becomes this cold-blooded, rude, and obnoxious stranger. I ask him what's wrong? He says nothing, you won't  understand. Well hello! Have you even tried telling me? No, you jut out of nowhere got to the conclusion that I won't understand. How sick!
I don't want to be sad. Honestly. Even I don't want to write such depressing posts but there is nothing happy or good in my life. Not a thing. Atleast not now.
You probably must be thinking I'm a maniac. Maybe I am. I don't know.

All I know is I am hurt. I am disappointed and I have no one to go to, no one to talk to you, and them tell how pathetic it is to be me.

All a lie.

Her side of the story-
She met him through X, her friend. The most charming man ever. She knew they will be great together, having almost everything similar. She was happy, happy that she finally met someone her type. A couple more dates and they were together. Oh it all seemed like a dream to her. She was delighted to have someone like him in her life. He was a great person and the most important thing he made her smile. No one had been able to do for a pretty long time. But finally the wait was over.

His side of the story-
He asked X whether he knew anyone who would be easy to catch. X exactly knew whom he should take him to. The first time when he saw her, he was stunned. She was hot. And the only thing in his mind was how long it will take him to sleep with her. He lied. Lied about everything. He had no interest in photography or dance, he disliked Italian food, but for his urge to get laid soon, he said yes to almost everything she asked. His game was going well, and finally he made her fall in love with him. Oh, he was successful in his mission.

Present-
So as he enters her house to wish her for her birthday, he made sure he looked fine. Oh! He looked fine, fine enough to go work as a pimp. She opens her door and finds this big box of chocolates and some flowers on her doorstep. And suddenly out of nowhere he appears in front of her and kisses her just after saying "Happy Birthday, baby!" Oh, she was so happy. She knew it was going to be her best birthday ever. They had their dinner in her balcony and he made sure he did everything which she liked. She couldn't believe that he was her lover. He was the man, whom she was head over heels in love with. A bottle of wine and the love which he was pretending to show worked out. She was ready for it. Yes, it. He knew she was. They went to her room and made love in the most passionate way ever. Oh, it was beautiful for her, and it was enough to satisfy him. And finally she kissed him on his forehead, thanked him for the best day of her life and slept with her head on his chest.
Next morning, when she heard phone ringing, she realised it was 11:00AM. She picked up her phone but the charge went off. She realised he was not beside her. She looked everywhere in her place, but he wasn't found. She switches on her phone after putting it on charge to contact him. As the phones starts again, she receives a message from him, saying "Thanks babe, you were great. Goodbye!" She knew what that meant, but she just wished it didn't. She tried calling him several times, but he disconnected every time. She finally realised she was used. She finally realised that he was a jerk and she was stupid enough to let him do this to her. She was devastated.

More than that, she was shocked at the fact that he was gone. She finally thought she met someone who actually loved her, but she was wrong.
All off it was a lie.

Marijuana.

He was sitting with his friends inside that old  bungalow, known as the 'Dope home'. People usually went their to dope or make out or get drunk. As he saw his friend exhaling that cloud of smoke, he wanted to do it, the very minute. It excited him. He took his first puff, it took him to paradise. And that very minute he knew he wanted to do it more and more. First the marijuana, and then the vodka. Oh! It felt like heaven.
That's when he got his first bad habit.

It never really mattered to him. He was addicted. Addicted to everything which she considered wrong. There had been many times when she tried to stop him. Even after making thousands of promises to leave it, he never kept his word. But she knew it all. She used to try to make him understand that it's all wrong, it's going to harm you sooner or later. But he never really understood. Things had gone too far now. But she couldn't leave him, no, not at all, she loved him way too much. And all he knew was he loved her, just the way he loved marijuana.
Sleepless nights, she had one to many thinking about the future he is creating for himself. But it never mattered to him. He was happy with the fact that he had her and the drugs in his life.
And finally that day came when was taken to hospital, due to overdose of hash.
She was broken, but more than that she was scared. She knew he had way too much of drugs in his veins. She was scared to lose him. The doctors came out after the operation. It was the longest 30 mins of her life.
The kind of looks which they had, made it all clear. She knew it's a bad news, a terrible one to be specific.
The doctor said, " He had way too much of illegal products in his blood, and it was harming him a lot. I'm sorry." That was it. Her whole world started turning around her.
She ran inside the room, and looked at him. He looked awful. She held his hand, and started speaking, wishing that he is still hearing her, " I told you, it is bad. Why didn't you listen to me? Don't leave! Please, I love you." But he wasn't there to answer her now. She was asked to go home and take rest.
She went straight towards her wash-room and started the shower. As the water fell on her face, tears started falling from her eyes too. She wanted to shout, scream her lungs out, but no sound came out from her mouth. She came out and looked at herself in the mirror. She took a deep breath.
She went towards the window in her room. A tear drop falls on cheek. Her mind shouting, " You should have listened to me! Look what you've done now!", but all she could do was nothing.

She finally speaks, I miss you and the tears don't stop for a long time.

Everything is over.

She looks at that little window in that particular room. Tries to see the happiness outside, but the tale of her own life is way too painful to look beyond anything expect itself.
The scenes of THE day, are still alive in her mind. His words, his actions, the ambience, everything.
Her man, her only man, whom she was planing to spend the rest of her life with, did it. Did the most obnoxious thing ever. Raped her.
She tries to take in some air, but fails. It's suffocating. Even after one month to the whole thing, she still can't think straight. What made him do it? Lust. It has to be it.
Lust made that man, do something so horrible. Made him destroy her future, her self respect, her faith on any other man, and her faith in love. Everything. All gone. Just because one man tried to satisfy his sexual aspects.
All alone, lying on the floor. She sees her cellphone flashing " Mom, calling!"
She cries. Suddenly she realises how much pain she caused that one person who has always been on her side. Just for that one man, she came to this new city, planning to start a new life with him, the devil himself. She realises how everything she had, is gone. Her family, her man, her ambitions, everything. And now it was her time to go.
Finally those pills started doing their work. She couldn't remember how much of those little white tablets she had taken. She tries inhaling again, it's becoming impossible for her.
She looks at the ceiling, thinks one last time of the day. How her clothes were ripped, how he spit on her before leaving, how tough it was for her to even walk for a few days after the whole show. But that man, was now living in the arms of some other pretty girl, and hardly remembers the day. The day when he ruined a innocent girl's life
She wanted it to end fast. She couldn't take it anymore. And thus the time comes. It's over. Everything is over. She is over.

Insecure.

Something is wrong with her. ( she thinks ). She has never been possessive about anyone. But why him?
It's irritating if his ex comes online, she does not want him to talk to her, or those girls who flirt with him, pisses her off. Possessiveness is fine but over do it and it becomes a disaster. It probably means she doesn't trust him. But she does, she seriously does. Maybe it's just jealously, but regarding what? He is dating her now. Why do they matter?
She has lost it. Completely lost it.
They are going through a tough time. A really tough one, but then they have always managed to work things out. Always. But this possessiveness has been on her mind ever since she started dating him. It's been 8 and a half months. But still there.
She is insecure, she does show it, but never talks about it. Insecurity is something irritating. She has been through the same, in her previous relationship. Her ex was insecure, just like her. But she never really did care.
Then what's the matter now?
She promises herself, she will won't behave like this anymore. She loves him and trusts him.

She logs in from her account. Checks her notifications, and sees the chat list. She sees him and his ex online. She tries to ignore the thoughts coming on her mind. She sends a "hi" to him. He does not reply. Bigger thoughts start building up in her mind- What if he is talking to her? What are they talking about? Why is he talking to her?
She tries to ignore them. He still doesn't reply. She ends up sending him a text on his number- " Please don't talk to X." She regrets it the minute the delivery report flashes her mobile screen. But he still doesn't reply.
She ends up calling him, ( I told you she has lost it ) hears his voice and gives out a 'sigh' of relief. She asks him, why wasn't he replying on chat, he says he was listening to a song on another website, so he couldn't see the message. She asks him whether he saw her message on his phone, he says "no" and starts checking. After reading it he say,'' chill dude, chill!" and disconnects. She curses herself for doing what has been done.

She again promises herself, she won't do it. She trusts him. ( She doesn't trust herself on this one)

Old times.

Time: 1:45AM
This is what the clock on the table beside her bed read. He had promised he would call before 1. She should have known, he wouldn't call. He has been breaking his promises quite often these days. Things have changed. He has changed.
He is busy always. They don't talk for hours and hours anymore, like before. Meeting him is just something rare these days, whereas before they met almost every alternative day. He has time for friends, time to go online and talk to others, but not her.
Basically, he has time for everything but her.
She cries. Everyday. Every bloody day. Time is the biggest factor in a relationship apart from trust and honesty. She misses him. Misses the old him. Misses those old times. Lying on her bed, looking at the ceiling she wonders, does she even cross his mind? Does he even remember those old times? Times when he use to talk late at night on phone with her while hiding under his blanket so that he wouldn't be caught by his mom, that day when he came to her place and they lied on her bed, just talking, or that day when he talked about his family to her, does he remember any of this?
She wonders.
She remembers it all. Every little thing. Because it meant the world to her.
How did he change so much? What happened? Where did they go wrong? He still says he loves her a lot, but then why can't he show the love?
She checks the time, it's 2:15AM. She finally loses hope. Her vision becomes blurred. Tears have started making their place in her eyes. She looks up, thinking the one up there ( yes, the creator of all the pain ) is looking down on her and shouts, " Why are you doing this to me? What joy are you getting, seeing me cry like this? Tell me!." But no answer. All she can hear is her own cry. She curses everything next which comes to her mind. She curses herself for loving him so much, even after the hurt, he has been causing her. And finally she looks at her cellphone's wallpaper. Looks at him, says I love you,
and eventually falls asleep.

Introducing! ME! :)

As I am new to blogging, and all of you must be wondering who this freak is. So let me tell you few things about me. :)
* As my name tells you I'm a hypocrite, I actually am. And no I am not proud of it, it's just something which I have learnt about myself.
* I am a maniac. Always hyperactive. People tell me I am temperamental, which if thought about is true. Every emotion of mine is at extreme. Like if I am happy I will very happy and id I am sad, I will be depressed.
* I love making new friends. I love socialising.
* I am in love with dancing since class 3.
* I am very frank and straightforward, which in some cases turns out to be a very bad thing.
* I am short tempered.
* Music is something, I can't live without.
* Basket ball is the only sport which I love and I think I am good at it. Boston Celtics FOREVER!
     + Kevin Garnett is my hero. ^_^
* I am not a big fan of chocolates. ( whaaaa? :p )
* I am perverted. ( as in, like a lot ) :p
* Fooodie!
* I absolutely HATE Maths. No, honestly. When I say hate, I wish the person who created it ( which I guess is already dead) takes a birth again and dies of rabies, and rots in hell! [ can't help it, I have been hating it since my childhood ]
* Pictures make me happy, and therefore where ever I go, a Nikon coolpix is always in my bag.
* Aaaand, I guess that's it. I can't think of anything else. :\
           Umm, I love fruits. ( I know out of nowhere, sorry! :p )


This is ekdum random stuff! Sorry if anyone was offended ( I don't think anyone will be ) :p

We meet. *drum roll*

Hello everyone! This is my first blog. *does the happy dance*

Memories. Moments and Us, is where I will be spending half of my day nowdays, as my holidays are going on and I am shit bored.
I have always wanted to have a blog, but the thought always freaked  me out. All the thoughts, everything, in front of everyone, how weird is that, but finally I gave up thinking. Yes! :D
So again heeelllo everyone, hope you will be interested in knowing me. *too tacky?*


In short. I love talking. But instead of talking it all out, I am going to write. I hope you like it. :)